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Still struggling

Updated: Sep 13, 2021

I went on this trip to help others...

I went on this trip because I wanted to make an impact on others through God.

And he did make an impact... he really did. But he didn’t only help them, he helped me.

Even though I didn’t feel it or see it at the time....

I questioned if I was even making a difference, I even questioned God.

I questioned the things that I KNEW about him, and started to think with my feelings instead.

But God is more than a feeling, and I know that.

This week I heard a women say that

“When you try and work against the darkness of the world the darkness pushes back.”

This week was so hard for me and I struggled silently. I was battling both emotionally and physically. I still have a lot of physical struggles from the car accident so I didn’t tell anyone about the accident for a while, I didn’t want to be treated differently.

I wanted to rely on God’s strength over my own, and I did.

If you would have told me I’d be capable of doing as much as I did this week I would nooottt have believed you, because I truly am not capable.

But there was more to it than just me. And emotionally I was even worse off.

I was falling apart.

I didn’t know how I could share about the goodness of God in a week where I was struggling severely with my mental health.

& I didn’t know why I still struggled if I knew so much about the goodness of God.

But having joy in the lord does not mean to always be joyful.

And I knew that...

but it doesn’t make it less hard.

This world is full of highs and lows. We are flawed humans, in a flawed world, So I shouldn’t have expected any different.

And deep down I knew that too.


But the good news is... in the end, God wins.





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