Updated: Oct 28, 2019
This is a drawing I did the other day.
The words in color represent my positive thoughts and the flowers in my brain represent the positive growth in my mind. Meanwhile the dark words are to go along with the negativity of my mind which is shown by the darkness in my brain.
This is an insight on my mind... my biggest enemy.
I don’t want to be a fake person, so whenever I am nice/ positive/ happy but have negative thoughts it eats me alive.
At the time of this drawing I’d been working especially hard to control my thoughts.
Yes, it’s important to not fill your head with constant negativity, that is extremely unhealthy. But I didn’t realize it was equally unhealthy to try and be in complete control.
I will never be able to have a perfect mind because I’m human. I wasn’t made to be perfect
I was made with an imperfect mind so that I’d have to rely on a perfect God.
It is important to be aware of your thoughts but what I was doing was trying to shut down and redirect every single thought that felt wrong.
Reading this, you might be confused because that sounds like a good thing right??? And really it does, to only think good things all the time, but we are human & we were not made to be in complete control.
In trying to do so, I caused a war with myself. I would have a negative thought and then hate myself for having that thought which just led to more negativity and anger, and a lot of confusion.
The knife in the brain of the photo is wrapped with one of the vines from the flowers, and that to me is a reminder that the more I try to be perfect the more I am hurting myself because I wasn’t made to be perfect.
The very thing I thought I needed to do in order to help me, was slowly killing me.
IM NOT SAYING TO BE A BE A NEGATIVE PERSON!!!!
I’m saying that if you are a kind/ honoring/ humble/ loving person, you can have bad thoughts and still be a kind/honoring /humble/ loving person.
Everyone has bad thoughts. They only become toxic when you let them become a part of who you are and how you act.
Its important to watch your thoughts because your thoughts influence your actions, but not every thought you have defines the person you are. This might all sound very contradicting and confusing to you, and it is for me too. This might not even be something you struggle with, but I will openly admit my mind is one of the biggest things I battle with every single day.
Be aware of your bad thoughts, and if they are consistent ones then ask yourself what the root of the problem is, try to figure out why you are thinking about it rather than just shoving it down in your head and hiding it away.
Ask yourself if there is anything you can do about it. And if not, let it go. Let yourself think, realize you are human, & just breathe.
Yes, the Bible does say if you think of a sin you might as well have committed it because you’ve already done it in your heart. But although that is true, in the same way God forgives the sins you act on, he also forgives your thoughts.
God forgives you, you should forgive you too.