1 year..

one year is far to long for this world to be without your joyful heart.

They always say you can control your attitude. “Just stop being so sad”

I always preach, “you aren’t in control of your circumstance but you are in control of your outlook.” That’s like my life motto...

mind over matter, right?

Well... what about on the hard days?

What about on the days it seems impossible...?

I started off my day yesterday dreading today, but then I decided I could be sad tomorrow when it came. There was no point in me being sad because I dreaded being sad.

Yes, I believe in mind over matter because I don’t believe in letting the worst things in my life get the best of me but that doesn’t mean I believe in being fake happy.

The book of Ecclesiastes talks about there being a time for everything. A time of birth, a time of death. A time of joy, a time of sorrow. A time to grieve and a time to rejoice.

I believe it’s okay to grieve. It’s okay to be sad.

I like to think I’m allowed to have my ‘moments.’

If I can have my moments of happiness then I can also have my moments where I’m not so happy.

I’m human. To think that I can be strong all of the time is so unrealistic.

But it’s wrong to go through life expecting to be negative...

It isn’t easy.. but I’m trying to just live day by day. Get through today, and into tomorrow. I’m trying to not allow myself to feel a certain way until I’m in that situation because if I would’ve decided yesterday that I was going to spend all day today depressed, then that’s exactly what I would’ve done.

Instead, I decided yesterday to go into today not expecting anything, but just accepting the unknown. I went into today telling myself I was allowed to feel whatever it was I was feeling in the moment, and feel it completely. Whether it be happy, or sad, or even angry... today was a day for me to adjust to losing someone so close to me. & I didn’t owe it to anyone to feel a certain way (or to put on a show.)

I’m allowed to feel whatever it is I’m feeling. There is a timing for everything. And I don’t deserve for my time of grief to be cut short because I’m worried how others will view me. Because I know how God views me.

-tori💛